Lean On Me
by vausesandspanishharlem
Summary: A collection of Nichorello oneshots-missing moments from the disaster that was season 3, Nicky and Lorna's thoughts while they're separated because of Nicky being taken to max, a peek into season 4 with a flashback of them meeting, and a delicious Christmas treat from when Lorna finds Nicky's collage.
1. Baby, I Want You So Bad

**Set between 2x13 and 3x01**

Lorna's had just about enough. She's tired of crying herself to sleep every night, being Nicky's burden, and worrying about what everyone thought about her now that a few of them had heard Christopher in the visitation room. The hot gossip spread like wildfire, and even though it hasn't reached her prison family besides Nicky, she's so afraid that it just might. She stays awake in the dark room, sitting up with her arms wrapped around her knees while Nicky's asleep next to her. All of a sudden, she needs to talk to Pennsatucky. She needs to think of a way to get rid of Christopher without being in trouble. He'd humiliated her, but maybe it was for her own good. He just didn't have to do it in front of her best friend and her soulmate.

It haunts her every day how Nicky just stared at them through the window with those concerned eyes. Even if Nicky had said she didn't care that Lorna's crazy, deep down inside, she may be creeped out by what Lorna did to Christopher and his fiancé. She probably secretly wishes that Lorna was caught and sent to max with her sentence tripled. Another part of Lorna doesn't believe that, though. If Nicky truly thought so horribly of her, she would've told the cops everything. Then again, she may be too scared of doing that. She has a right to be terrified of Lorna. Lorna has actual victims, people who have nightmares because of her. She was a demented stalker, but she isn't anymore. She won't do violent things. She only snuck to his house to see him. Instead of getting her help for her mental illness, he just had to send her to prison. This time, though, he'd really made her angry and feel like a piece of shit. She wants to get him good and give him what he's got coming for him.

The next morning, she pretends everything is normal. She says hello to her fellow inmates cheerfully and stays by Nicky's side. After breakfast, she sweeps the floors until she sees Pennsatucky. She's gonna call her Tiffany, though, from now on.

"Hey, Tiffany."

Tiffany smiles. "'Sup, Morello?"

Lorna sighs. "Um…I had a tiny favor I needed to ask of you since you're the driver and all. Do you remember Christopher?"

"Who could forget? He was all you ever talked about…before Valentine's Day. You annoyed the hell out of everyone."

"Yeah, well…we're not a couple anymore. He…he visited me a few weeks ago…and he blew up. He wasn't very nice at all. I want revenge. Would you please take me to his house and drug the CO while I grab the CO's gun and shoot him? I want to break his heart the same way he broke mine."

Tiffany's eyes just about pop out of their sockets and her jaw drops. "What the fuck…no, Morello, that's a stupid idea. I ain't losin' my job cuz of some lame-ass stalker."

"No…I've thought it through this time. Oh, and that's rich, coming from the crackhead who almost killed Chapman!"

"It was actually the other way around."

"Whatever. You were arrested for murder, so you should be thrilled at the idea! Come on, Tiff." She clasped her hands together and pouted. Tears built up behind her eyes.

"You're making the innocent face. Shit, fine, I'll help ya out…but only because we got all new officers and they don't know anything. We'll have Officer Coates as our escort."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

* * *

When lunchtime comes around, Nicky doesn't see Lorna at their usual spot. She's in line for her meal and then she hears the Latinas gossiping in their native language. Lorna, Pennsatucky, and some new officer's names pop up in their conversation a few times.

"Hey, where's your girl?" Daya asks as she plops food on Nicky's tray. "The little brunette one with the red lipstick…she's always by your side like glue."

Nicky's glad people refer to Lorna as _her girl_. Even if they aren't fucking anymore, Nicky loves Lorna a little more than just as a friend. "Yeah, I don't know, I haven't seen her since breakfast. She hasn't come by here?"

"Nah. Damn, I didn't think she'd actually do it! She's loca!"

Nicky furrows her brows in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Nichols, move it along, you're holding up the line," someone complains, and Nicky rolls her eyes.

"She's probably in the van right now!" Daya yells as Nicky walks away.

"Oh, she's really gonna kill him!" Flaca adds.

"Holy shit!" Maritza exclaims.

"What the fuck?" Nicky looks over her shoulder and starts to leave the cafeteria before a CO stops her. Remembering the rule about not taking her food out of the cafeteria, she dumps it in the trash before she gets a shot or whatever. She runs to find Red and pulls her outside, where Pennsatucky and Officer Coates are already in the van.

"What are you doing?"

Lorna's opening the door, but Nicky's voice stops her, thankfully.

"Do you have an appointment, Lorna?" Red asks.

"Um…no…I just need to do something, okay?"

Nicky places her hands on her hips and Red folds her arms across her chest. "What is it?" Nicky asks.

"What's it to ya?"

"Who are you planning to murder, Lorna?"

Lorna bites her lip. "How did you find out? Coates is okay with it…"

"It doesn't matter. What the hell is this rookie officer doing, letting you go through with this plan? You're out of your mind!"

Pennsatucky shrugs. "I tried to talk her out of it, but she's determined."

"Ladies, are we going or not?" Coates asks.

" _You're_ not," Red says firmly in her thick Russian accent. She just about forces Lorna out of the van with Nicky's help.

"Okay, then, Pennsatucky's gonna run a small errand with me. If you still wanna do it, Morello, there's always later."

"Yes, sir."

Red takes the girls to her greenhouse and they sit at her table. "Lorna, would you care to explain?"

Lorna takes a deep breath. "I needed my revenge for what he did to me…like closure, you know? If he was dead and gone…I wouldn't even think about him anymore. I'm just glad another cop didn't find out."

"Damn _right_ , you should be glad!" Nicky snaps bitterly. She's annoyed and frustrated that Lorna would risk her life like that. "Remember what you told me when I was about to use heroin again?"

Lorna thinks for a minute. "It's not worth it!"

"I need you to take your own advice...next time you make an escape, you might not be so lucky…and I can't lose my Lorna." She wraps her arm around the smaller woman next to her. "It wouldn't be the same without you here, kid. Christopher would either kill you if he saw you before you pulled out your gun, or you'd get sent to Max for God knows how long. That man is not important enough, so don't waste your time with him. He's dead to us, okay?"

"Okay, Nicky, but…what if…when I get out, I just happen to see him in passing, like on a street corner, and I'm alone? What if he tries to get me then? He said if I ever come near him or his family again, he'd strangle me…like I tried to do to his girlfriend at the time. I wouldn't even be doing anything bad at the moment…and he'd just…snap…rightfully so! I mean, you make the mess, you clean it up, right?" Tears are streaming down Lorna's cheeks at this point.

"You would just have to be with someone at all times, I think," Nicky murmurs into her hair. "Yes, you screwed up…but everyone in this place has. If we hadn't, none of us would be here. We'd be free as birds."

"How much time you got left, three years?" Red asks.

"Yeah."

"Well, I got two, so I'll be out by the time you get released," Nicky says. "We can live together and protect each other from our past addictions. You can keep me away from heroin, and I can get you help and stand in front of you if Christopher crosses our paths. You're pretty little and easy to hide," she teases Lorna.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." A small smile tugs at the brunette's red lips.

"You know what, honey? If you ever get the urge to go to his house again or see him in any way, you can always come to Nicky or me," Red tells Lorna. "That's not a suggestion, that's a rule for all my daughters. You got it?"

Lorna nods. "Yes."

"Good, I'm glad that's settled. I think we should all go to our Scared Straight thing now."

"Oh, right, I almost forgot!" Nicky says. "Who's ready to make this new batch of little girls cry?"

"I am," Red answers.

"Me too!" Lorna says excitedly.

They practically have to run to make it before the officers realize they're missing. They join Alex, Daya, Taystee, Sophia, Brooke, and Boo, who are already sitting down in the chairs. There are nine teenage girls in orange jumpsuits standing in front of them.

"Inmates, go ahead," Caputo instructs them.

The women rush into the girls' faces. "Hey, bitch, you're gonna be my prison wife, you want that?" Boo asks one of the girls. "You can touch my pussy and shit!"

"Yeah, we can make a bet with each other on who's gonna fuck you!" Nicky yells in the same girl's face.

"It's true. One of my fellow inmates tried to sell me to _her_ for a blanket!" Brooke points at Boo.

"You're gross!"

"Little girl, I'm in here for stalking, you know that? I could strangle you in the middle of the night if I wanted to," Lorna practically growls. "Don't test me!" She wonders if she should have even said that, because her very threats make her shiver inside.

The girl shrinks back from her. "Stop it!"

"Did you know a drug addict beat me up twice, huh? Oh, and I starved someone when I worked in the kitchen. That woman didn't eat for days! Imagine being so hungry that you could eat garbage!" Red shouts.

"Yeah, that bitch wanted to eat my King Cone that fell on the floor!" Taystee yells.

"You also get raped by a corrupt officer. There's always someone like that here. See this?" Daya points to her huge belly. "I'm pregnant in prison! There ain't no scheduled doctors' appointments in prison! That's what happens if you fuck up!"

"Yeah, and my drug dealer _and_ this insane woman tried to kill me!" Alex adds.

"You lose yourself, too!" Sophia adds. "They put me in solitary for my own protection, you know why? Some assholes beat me up because I'm transgender!"

"That's fucked up," one of the girls says.

Lorna points at her. "You're damn right. You think it's fun and games in here? You're dead wrong. It's not. There are people in here who are crazier than I am. They call me the happiest girl in prison, and Nicky's the funniest. Red's like our mom. Sophia's the hairdresser. It's what we gotta do to survive. I fantasize about a better life, one where I'm engaged to a handsome man named Christopher, the one I terrorized for a year. Think about that!" Lorna laughs maniacally.

"You just better not get on any of our bad sides!" Red warns them. "It'll be hell. I don't want to see any of you in here, do you understand me?"

Most of the girls are crying and some just look afraid. The ladies have done an excellent job, and the session is soon over. The girls go home, and everyone returns to their bunks.

* * *

"We did great with those girls." Lorna tells Nicky as they sit on the blonde's bunk.

"I'm proud of us."

"Yeah, me too. I'm thankful for you and Red," Lorna confesses. "I'm sorry, it's like I got two people fighting inside me. One of them wants to be all evil, and the other just feels like moving on. I don't want Bad Lorna to win. I want the good girl in me to shine through. Sometimes, though, the horrible psycho beats her to it."

"I can get like that, too," Nicky says as Lorna lays her head in the blonde's lap. "The junkie wants the heroin, but the clean girl doesn't need it. They battle inside my head, day after day." Nicky strokes Lorna's cheek with the back of her hand and kisses her temple. "I just gotta remind myself that I can't disappoint you or Red…and I don't want the regret." She plays with Lorna's hair. "We all got demons, just remember that. Whether it's drugs, stalking, murder, violence, trespassing, robbery, or fraud, it's all part of our pasts. We gotta look toward the future. We gotta think about what we're gonna do when we get outta this damn place. Sure, it'll be hard to find a job, hell, even a place to live because most of our families are either shit or dead, but we got each other, kid. We got our family, we got the Spanish Harlem, the ghetto, the crackheads, the Golden Girls…the others. We're all human. We deserve second chances. To achieve that, we can't go back. We need to be trusted again."

"You're right," Lorna agrees. "I promise that I won't ever try to contact Christopher or Angela. I'll go to a therapist, but on one condition, you go with me."

"I will," Nicky says right away. "I'll be with you, always. Oh, and if you see drugs in my possession because Red isn't watching me and I get tempted, can you please just flush them down the toilet? I don't care how many times I try to attack you and take them from you, just…whoosh!" Nicky imitates a toilet flushing.

Lorna nods her head yes. "Of course." She hugs Nicky, and Nicky practically clings to her. They share their first kiss. It's slow and magical.

"I love you, baby," Lorna whispers to Nicky for the first time.

"I love you, too, my darling," Nicky says back and kisses Lorna in a place that makes the brunette's cheeks heat up. "Shall we go to the chapel of love?"

Lorna giggles uncontrollably. "Yes! Lead the way, my lady. I won't give you blue balls this time, I swear."

"I'm counting on it! Oh, and this time, you're making me cum first."

"You got it, babe."

They hold hands as they walk to the chapel. Luckily, there's nobody inside, so they have their privacy. Their moans echo through the room until they're both tired, dripping, and sweating all over each other. They're laying on the floor behind one of the pews, completely blissed out, with their legs tangled. Lorna's in Nicky's arms, and she's placing soft kisses around Nicky's hardened nipples while Nicky's rubbing lazy circles around Lorna's already soaked clit with her fingers.

* * *

"I'd say we're back on, wouldn't you?" Nicky asks hopefully. She can feel that Lorna's heart is beating just as fast as her own.

"Yeah, we are."

"Will you marry me? Uh, when we get released, I mean."

"Oh, sure, Nicky! You can visit me and bring me my wedding dress and my veil and everything. We'll do it in the visitation room, and-"

"I hate to crush you, sweetie, but I don't think you can wear that shit. I can, but I'd rather have pants on at our wedding. I'll wait until you're out."

"Aww, you will? That touches my soul."

"Yeah, I'd wait forever for my girl." Nicky pulls Lorna closer to her side if that were even possible. "We'll invite everyone to our wedding…all the women we've made friends with here. Red will be our maid of honor…we can share her."

"Nah, you should have her. She's your mom more than she's mine. My sister will be my maid of honor. She stood behind me in court and everything. She's ashamed of me, but maybe she won't be if…when I start seeing somebody about my mental illness."

"She'll be proud of how far you've come. I know I am."

"Thanks, Nicky, I'm trying my best…every day."

"Yeah, you do. That's one of the reasons why I love you so much."

"I finally found someone who could put up with my antics," Lorna says against Nicky's chest. She kisses her girlfriend's scar.

"So did I."

All of a sudden, they hear footsteps, and they quickly get back into their prison clothes. "Shit!" Lorna whispers, but Nicky's just chuckling to herself.

"Pretend we were praying instead of fucking."

"Yeah, sure, you could pull that off, but I'm all hot!" Lorna hisses under her breath, only loud enough for Nicky to hear.

"Go take a cold shower, then, I'll join ya." Nicky helps Lorna up and catches her girlfriend when she's about to stumble. "Jesus, how can you not walk right?"

"I haven't come this hard in forever," Lorna explains.

Nicky smirks. "I'll hold you in the shower or we can sit down."

"Either way is fine," Lorna says breathlessly.


	2. Mother Knows Best

**Set in 3x13**

Red is working diligently in the kitchen when Lorna walks in. "Hi...Gloria said you wanted to see me. What's wrong?"

"Honey, I should be asking you the same thing. What the fuck are you thinking?"

The petite Italian looks shocked. "Huh?"

The older Russian lady peers at her over her glasses and then pushes them down her nose. "You're getting married while Nicky rots away in Max. Don't you know how my daughter feels about you? She loves you! You girls were inseparable! Exactly how long have you known this young man? You're insane!"

Lorna sheepishly looks at the floor and smacks her red lips together. "A few days...we met three times, actually. I proposed to him because he's such a good man...he beat up Christopher! I mean...what did you want me to do, lay in bed all day and cry? Should I have let my appearance go and have my face get all blotchy? I know she cares a lot about me! I love her, too...more than just as a friend! I just couldn't admit it in time...I miss her so much...I was bored and lonely...and I wanted to finally have my dream wedding! I don't even know when she's coming back, if she ever does!" she says through her sobs. She breaks down crying and Red sighs while pulling Lorna in for a hug. She strokes the girl's hair while rocking her in her arms from side to side.

"Oh, sweetheart...I miss her too. She's my daughter. It doesn't mean I have to rush into any major decisions, though. There's always hope she'll come back. She didn't attack a guard, and who knows, she may come back for good behavior! She will always have a special place in our hearts."

"I know."

Red holds Lorna, even when they are walking back to the younger woman's bunk.

"I'm going to take back my proposal. You're right, as always."

Red nods, pleased. "Thank you for taking my advice. I'm always here if you need me."

"Thanks."

"Anytime."


	3. Our Story

**Set before the show started, briefly the series, and Lorna seeing Nicky for the first time when she returns from Max**

Lorna decides to get her hair cut on her last day of freedom. When they had sentenced her to three years and a month in a women's prison for simply being in love and wanting new things to wear because she was sick of Franny's hand-me-downs, she was angry and scared. Of course, neither the people that had sued her for mail fraud nor that slut Angie who stole Christopher from her, seemed to care. They called her a stalker. She'd never hated that word so much in her life.

Lorna gets into the van with two other women in orange. One is African-American with dreadlocks while the other is Hispanic with half her head shaved. They're both covered in gang tattoos. She's quiet as the middle aged driver in a beige jumpsuit takes them to Litchfield. She can sense everyone looking at her, probably because she's the smallest one in the vehicle and the others appear to be a lot tougher and meaner than she is. Plus, they're whispering about stabbing full-grown men and beating their own kids to bloody pulps and showing no remorse.

She keeps her shaking hands clasped on top of her jiggling knees as she gulps. She doesn't cry, because that'll make her an easy target, besides the fact that she's tiny.

The driver shows the new inmates around and explains the rules about count and being separated by race. You have to squat and cough to prove you didn't smuggle in drugs or cigars. Lorna can't believe someone would ever shove something up their own ass. That's gross. She is relieved, however, that she won't have to share a cell with ladies who are not like herself.

The driver tells her to go into a temporary bunk, and then she'll get moved to a regular one later. She nods and goes inside shyly. There's three women there. DeMarco has a breathing machine because of her health problems, Cisneros has cancer, and Vause has just gotten out of max because they finally figured out some asshole had planted drugs in her bunk and she'd never touched them.

"Those can't be your real names..." Lorna's confused. The ladies chuckle and she feels awkward. It's a good thing nobody's been nasty to her so far.

"We go by our last names here. I'm Alex, though," the black-haired girl with glasses introduces herself. "This is Miss Rosa and Anita." She gestures to the bald lady and the one with the machine.

"Oh...I'm Lorna...er, Morello. Y'all look so nice and friendly...why are you in here?"

"You don't wanna know, hon," DeMarco says.

"I robbed a bank," Cisneros confesses.

Vause climbs to the top bunk and opens her book. "I came in here, high as a kite. They busted me for selling drugs. What about you?"

"I...I ran a mail scam."

"Whoa, that's pretty badass! Who's this chick who looks like that jumpsuit's swallowing her?"

Lorna turns around to the new voice. There's a woman with wild, blonde hair, big brown eyes lined in black, and mascara covering her lashes. "So, what's your name, kid? I just heard your crime."

"Lorna Morello. It's Italian."

"Cool. It's a pleasure meeting you. My name's Nicky Nichols."

"Your parents named you Nicky Nichols?" Lorna asks in a lighthearted tone as she shakes the other woman's hand. Vause and the older ladies snicker. That's when Nichols leads her out of the room.

Nichols shrugs. "They weren't clever. Lorna, huh? That's pretty."

The brunette smiles. She's relieved to have found some possible friends. "Thanks. Hey...how do you get makeup? I know you ain't new because you're in beige."

"You gotta get a job so you can buy contraband. I work in Electrical and Vause is on laundry duty. The pay sucks...eleven cents an hour, but they don't care here. We're the lowest of the low, you know?

"Yep."

"Hey, but the good news is that contraband is pretty cheap. I usually buy lip gloss, mascara, and eyeliner. What would you get?"

"Uh...bright red lipstick, hair curlers, eye makeup, fashion and bridal magazines, and a mirror. That's probably about it. I'm engaged to be married!"

"Oh, wow! Congratulations," Nichols says with a toothy smile. "These are Chiclets, by the way. That's the fancy term for fake teeth. I was a heroin addict, but I've been clean for three years now. That's only because I'm in here. Red would totally kick my ass if I used again!"

"Ah, who's Red?"

"She's in charge of the kitchen and she's like my mom. I don't know my biological father and the rich woman who gave birth to me...I may as well be shit surrounded by flies, in her mind, at least."

"Wow, and I thought _my_ family didn't understand me. That's rough, Nichols."

"Don't worry about it, Morello. Red's the best. You'll love her as much as I do. So...what's your family like?"

"Oh, loud and poor...but I'm lucky I have their support...I got a dad, a sick mom on her deathbed, apparently, and an older sister and younger brother. I also have a fiancé. He's part of the clan, too. I'm just kinda annoyed with him at the moment."

"Oh? Why?"

"I thought he would be my Prince Charming and bail me out, but no." He just wanted to make sure he and Angie were safe from her. Lorna's in prison. Where else can she go? She's trapped behind gates like one of those violent criminals from _West Side Story_. She doesn't understand why he loves that whore better and why she couldn't get him in the first place. He had ignored her after their first coffee date. All she did was talk about marriage and kids, what was so wrong about that? It's not like they were strangers. They even had a meet-cute. "I guess I deserve to be in here. I ripped off a company...but not on purpose! He probably can't afford it, that's all."

"That sucks, dude."

"Count time!" a guard shouts and they scramble back to the temporary bunks.

"Meet me at lunch...just follow Vause, okay?"

"Great, thanks."

They wave at each other and then Nichols runs out.

Lunch in the cafeteria is actually better than Lorna expects. She eats with Nichols, Vause, and DeMarco. There's three others that join them, Big Boo, a lady who's covered in tattoos and has cropped brown hair, Miller, who has blonde dreadlocks and a neck tattoo, and her girlfriend, Mercy.

"You brought me some fresh meat, didn't you, Nichols...or was it you, Vause?" Boo asks while waggling her eyebrows at Lorna. "Can't wait til we hit the showers. I could rock your body, girl."

Lorna coughs. "I...I'm sorry, I'm straight."

"Boo, knock it off!" Nichols says with a roll of her eyes. "Hey...Morello, just ignore her. She makes gross jokes."

"Yeah," Vause agrees. "She'll cut it out once you get to know her."

"Okay."

A red-haired lady in a chef's uniform comes by their table. "Hey, you in the orange...Morello, right?"

"Yeah."

"Nicky here got you a job working as the van driver. I wanted to share the great news. You start tomorrow."

"Thank you!" Lorna looks at Nichols with gratefulness. "I appreciate it!"

"No problem. You'll dump the orange and be one of us in no time, kid." Nichols winks at Lorna. "This is Red, by the way. Ma...can she also help out in the kitchen?"

"Sure," Red responds. "Welcome to your prison family, honey."

Nichols is her main protector during her first day at Litchfield Penitentiary. After some of the women wolf-whistle at Lorna when she strips naked for the shower, Nichols blocks them from seeing Lorna's bare body as she washes herself. Nichols keeps assuring her that she'll get used to it and the women will soon become bored of her once someone else new comes along.

Lorna doesn't remember how or why they started fucking, but she calls the blonde woman by her first name now and Nicky refers to her as Lorna from here on out. Their connection now runs so deep that they're more than just prison wives or fuck buddies. They're soulmates for life.

* * *

The following week, a new girl named Chapman is the center of attention. Lorna and Nicky take a liking to her right away. Days go by and the sex stops because Lorna feels as though she's cheating on Christopher. She and Nicky are just friends now, but she's killing the blonde girl inside. Once she finds out about the Valentine's Day wedding and that she's not going to be a bride at all, she turns to Nicky for comfort. In May, they get intimate again. Lorna's world collapses around her when Nicky suddenly gets sent to Max. The tearful words, "I love you!" leave Nicky's lips as she gets dragged away from Lorna and Red.

"I love you too!" Lorna desperately cries and runs to the window where she can see Nicky being taken to the van. She wishes she didn't get her driving privledges taken away because then she would've just found a way for them both to escape the hell out of this awful place. It's so depressing without her, and she's sure Nicky's feeling the exact same way.

She has no real friends here because everyone's off in their own little bubbles. The women talk to her sometimes, but none of them can compare to Nicky. They've all got their own problems and even Red is busy with Healy. Lorna needs something to do with her time here. It's why she ends up married to a guy she's only known for a week. It's okay though.

She's shocked when Nicky strides in the cafeteria a month later. Half a waffle is hanging out of her mouth and her wedding ring is in full view, so she hides it before Nicky can see. The blonde, now decked out in orange, has lost her spark. She's pale and broken, and Lorna can't blame her. She quickly swallows her bite and runs up to her. She tightly winds her arms around Nicky as happy tears come to her eyes. "I've missed you so much!"

"So have I, kid, more than you know."

"You're home now, baby."

This makes Nicky smile. "Fuck yeah I am. Hey, Luscheck, what's good?" she asks him as he passes them.

"Oh yeah, he just got fired."

"Awesome!"

Lorna secretly slides the ring off her finger and throws it in the trash. It isn't real, anyway. Nicky is.


	4. First Day and Last Day Without Her

**Set in 3x04**

Lorna finds a collage made by Nicky in her trash. She doesn't know why Nicky threw it away. It's lovely, what with all the magazine cutouts of places she wanted to go to for vacation, including Bora Bora Bora, and in the middle of it all, is a picture of a bride and groom with Lorna's head drawn on top of the bride's body and Nicky's is attached to the groom's. She hugs it to her chest and starts to cry as she runs back to her bunk. Her breathing is heavy as her sobs get more intense.

"She really loved you," Alex says as she comes up to the brunette girl. "She had it hidden under her bed and when they took her away to Max, they tossed everything she had. She would be glad you found it. It was supposed to be your Christmas present. I don't know why she didn't give it to you. She was your Secret Santa."

Lorna sniffles. "I was so pissed off at her back then. I don't think I stopped being mad until a months later. She was trying to tell me what I didn't want to hear. I need to say I'm sorry. She probably thinks she doesn't have a chance with me." Lorna wipes a falling tear off her cheek.

"Is that true? I mean...you're straight, Lorna. Did you go gay for the stay?"

"It was like that at first. Now that we've formed an inseparable bond, I'd date her in a heartbeat. I want to know what kissing her lips tastes like. The more I stare at this collage, the more I love the idea of Nicky and I being a couple. I want it to happen if... _when_...she gets out."

"I wish she was here to hear you say that!"

"So do I," Lorna says wistfully. She sets the collage against the side of her bed. "There...now it's mine."

"It looks perfect," Alex comments.

"Thank you!"

 **Set in season 4**

It's lonely, dark, and cold as Nicky sits by herself in Max. She's not really alone. She actually has roommates, but she's afraid of them. They're like mini versions of Vee. They joke about hurting people and one of them is a homophobe who likes to kick Nicky hard in the stomach if she sobs at night and says Lorna's name in her sleep. She keeps herself awake all night long because one of these women may actually kill her just for being a lesbian or because they're in Max for a murder spree. She doesn't want to be almost beat to death like Red was. She takes a few shuddering breaths and wills herself not to make a single whimper.

"Whatcha lookin' at, huh?" a woman asks her roughly while getting way too close to her for comfort. Her hand snaps closed around Nicky's wrist and she violently shakes the blonde. "Answer me, you bitch!"

"Nothing," Nicky says while staring at the ground.

"You know what happened when you scratched that girl's name into the wall? You made us all angry! She is not part of your life anymore. Get that through your thick head." The lady yanks Nicky up by her hair and she's about to bonk her head on the toilet when a guard opens the door. "Nichols! You're out."

"They're sending me back to camp?" Nicky mumbles to the guard but mostly to herself.

"Yep. Come on, the van is on its way. Say your goodbyes."

The women grumble as the guard locks Nicky's wrists together and she follows him outside. She doesn't feel like herself while she's walking on this sunny, hot day. It's so bright. She's stiff and trembling. She doesn't know to get in the back of the van until the guard tells her to.

She squints her eyes at the Latina who's driving the van. "Yo, Ramos, how come Penn's not doing this?"

"She gets seizures," Ramos responds."Holy shit, this place has changed so much since you've been down the hill. Bennett is not an awesome officer anymore! He left Daya, so she had her baby alone. Soso and Washington are lesbian for each other and they were holding hands in the lake. Nichols, we ran into a lake and we were so free...at least for a little while! Don't worry about Coates here, he's cool with it. Romano started a religion with healing powers and Chapman and Caputo are on power trips. Chapman started a panty business because of the new job, making pink thongs, which is nice and everything, but she's so mean to Flaca. White girl thinks she knows everything! She cheated on Vause, who went insane for a while but now she's in the infirmary because of her drug dealer sending someone to try killing her. The one with crazy eyes and the twisty hair...she was writing porn, but they made her stop. Hayes turned Jewish. Boo got a one-day makeover from that he-she but then he-she attacked Gloria and got into the SHU. La Red's into Mr. Healy and Morello is married to this guy she met through prison letters. She proposed and they fucked while we were swimming."

Nicky's ears start ringing and she feels as though she's drunk. Ramos' voice gets smaller and smaller but somehow Nicky hears that Red's trusting an officer which didn't work out well for her or Diaz at all and now Lorna's Mrs. I Don't Know Who The Fuck You Are. She knows there has to be more to the story with Burset, because that woman doesn't have a mean bone in her body. Boo wouldn't make herself over in a million years. Norma, a woman who doesn't speak, is in charge of a group. Chapman's being a cunt. It's like Nicky's suddenly in an alternate universe. She feels bad for Vause and hopes her best friend will be okay. Caputo will always be Caputo. She's always wanted to swim in that lake. She wishes she could read porn right about now, even if it _is_ from Warren. That crazy lady sure is interesting. Some of this other shit, she couldn't give a damn about. It's too hard to keep up with Ramos, even if one was listening hard. The only good news was that Soso had moved on from Nicky and Washington found a girl and got over her _I'm in love with my straight best friend_ phase.

"Ramos, you're talking way too fast for my brain to comprehend," Nicky croaks. "I'm not sure if I'm hearing you correctly."

"They're eating breakfast now. You'll have to see it all to believe it, Nichols. I'm sorry...Morello was your girl, hmm?"

Lorna's perky face and bubbly personality form in Nicky's mind. She's not prepared for any of this. She wants Ramos to be joking or just spreading gossip like the Hispanics sometimes do, but then again, it's not hard to believe the whole white prison family went to shit with Nicky gone. She's the person that keeps her family sane. They don't make irrational decisions with her around. It's strange because she always thought Red was the smartest and least likely to fall for Healy's bullshit out of all of them, but no. It's Nicky fucking Nichols.

"Nichols?" Ramos adjusts the rearview mirror so she can see the blonde woman in the back. "Are you okay or is all this overwhelming? You know me, I tend to run off at the mouth."

"I'm thinking up a plan to help save this godforsaken place and put everyone back in their right mind."

" _Buena suerte_! That's Spanish for good luck with that."

"Thanks, Ramos."


	5. Crushed Dreams

**Bora Bora Bora-with a twist**

 _ **"Christopher doesn't fucking exist, at least not in your life. He hasn't visited you since three weeks after you got here."**_

Lorna thinks about what Nicky's just told her. It's the truth, as much as she'd wanted to deny it. In fact, Christopher never visited, because he wasn't able to. The guy who came to see her, who she'd said was Christopher, was actually her brother.

"You don't know shit, Nichols, so shut the fuck up!" Lorna snaps.

"What don't I know?" Nicky almost yells. "For God's sake, I thought we knew everything about each other! We had a connection, we fucked in the chapel before _you_ ended it because of your _fake fianc_ _é_! What the hell is wrong with you?"

A lump rises in Lorna's throat and she wants to cry. Remembering everything Christopher did to her until his last day, the injuries, the verbal attacks, the mental abuse, it was all too much for her.

"You don't finish dinner before he gets home, you're in trouble. You don't want sex one night, you get raped. You can't leave the house because you have a black eye or a split lip that makeup can't hide. You're bleeding so much that he takes you to the hospital, claiming that you fell down the stairs. It's common to get a broken bone or many bruises. He asks you to marry him and you say yes because you're scared to turn him down and run. Then, one day, you've had enough. You've kinda been hatching this plan all along, but it's finalized now. He made you lose the baby...twice now. You're just sick of it. You're done with being called a pathetic bitch, or his fist smashing into different parts of your body, or...or being forced to...to do things...and you...you light a match while you're supposed to be cooking. You let the flame get bigger as you escape the house. You hide and then he runs in, yelling your name, threatening you that if you burned his food, he'll kill you...or stick a knife up your cunt...and once he's inside, you go out the back door, through the fence, and into your front yard. The house fills with fire and smoke rises from the chimney. You can still see it as you run down the street. He can't get out because you've locked him in. All the windows are nailed shut and you've covered the glass with bricks that would take forever to remove. The firefighters try to save him, but they can't. He's dead..." Lorna sobs through her whole confession. She can't believe she's just said all of this and that Nicky is still here, listening to her and holding her while stroking the brunette's hair. The blonde is close to tears. Lorna won't stop shaking.

"So, self-defense..."

"Yeah."

"I saw you naked...I never-"

"He didn't leave scars. He made sure not to do that."

"Damn it, Morello...I'm so sorry...but why'd you tell everyone you were engaged to that asshole...and that you _loved_ him? He tortured you!"

"I-I know, but I guess...I guess I just adored the man I wished he was...and I wanted to keep up the pretense that I had a good love life on the outside...and I'm really fucked up because of him." The Italian woman buries her face in her hands and hides herself in her best friend's arms. "So, all that stuff about rejecting you because I didn't want to cheat...it was a bullshit lie...I'm the one who should apologize."

"No...I understand why you'd do that. You don't need to fantasize about him anymore, Lorna. You can find someone way better, because this dumbass...he didn't deserve you at all." Nicky wipes Lorna's tears away with her thumbs and kisses her forehead. Her hands are on Lorna's wet cheeks.

"I broke things off with you because I assumed you'd get bored of me later. All I am is an ugly battered woman."

"Hey, that's not true! Don't say that, baby. You're the most amazing girl in here, okay? You're sweet...and really beautiful."

Lorna sniffles and smiles through her tears. "Really? You think so, Nicky?"

"Of course. I promise that I won't ever leave you, kid."

"Thank you. We can...we could go back to...comforting each other...if you want to."

"Let's start with a kiss on the lips."

They make out and then hold each other until it's time for dinner.


End file.
